In today’s society, we make ignorance out to be a horrible thing or something that is attributed to youth and immaturity. It is neither! Failure to admit your ignorance is an INTEGRITY issue that affects young and old alike. FAILURE TO ADMIT IGNORANCE IS A HORRIBLE THING. You can never receive help on issues that you never admit that you need help on. And I can guarantee you, from personal experience, that those issues will resurface again and again and eventually, if left unchecked, will sabotage even the greatest of things.
When I was 27, I got married to a wonderful woman. I had holistic knowledge of Christ’s rules for life and marriage; however, there were some specific things that I didn’t know. There were some deep internal and elemental questions that as a man, I needed answered; I needed them answered so that I could be honest with myself about those areas. Why am I getting married? Are they sound reasons? What things do you need in order to have a lasting marriage? Do I have those things? Do ‘we’ have those things? Is love just a commitment or should there be something more? What is the difference between being ‘in love’ and love? Do I need both? Do I realize that if I am not careful here that I could possibly cause great hurt and harm to not just myself but to one that I am vowing to protect?
Instead of asking those questions, I let PRIDE cause me to hide my ignorance. I went to pre-marital counseling classes, and I discussed the things that didn’t embarrass me, the superficial things, and I smiled and pretended that everything was great. But the knowledge I received only helped me to the degree that I was wiling to open up to receive it. Several years after we were married, my wife and I even taught Marriage Counseling classes, but the same pride and hidden ignorance resurfaced. Instead of allowing the knowledge I was teaching to truly address my hidden issues, I focused on how I could present it so that it could help others. “I didn’t need help,” I foolishly told myself. The areas that I did not expose my ignorance in were the ones that eventually led to the demise of my marriage.
At the ripe old age of thirty-six, after a major mistake that changed my life and the lives of many that I care deeply about, I have allowed God to reveal to me my lack of COMPLETE Integrity. Through this act, He is teaching me to admit my ignorance. I am learning that there is no such thing as partial integrity. I am learning that TRUE INTEGRITY can only be created when there are no secrets within me; I am being reminded that TRUE INTEGRITY only exists when the person that I am in my inner most private life and the person that I am in my my public life are no different.
With those things, I am learning that with God, FAILURE is never FINAL. I am learning that mistakes are often the first step to the manifestation of miracles if we allow them to be, and that mistakes should be turned into messages and shared so that others don’t make the same mistakes. I am learning the essences of John 12:47, when Jesus says: 47 “If anyone hears my words but does not keep them, I do not judge that person. For I did not come to judge the world, but to save the world.
To all those who read this and knew me on a personal level, I offer my sincerest apologies for allowing my PRIDE and PERSONAL Ignorance to create an action that hurt so many of you that I care for dearly. It was never that I didn’t truly love and respect you; I simply wasn’t at a place with myself that I was ready to seek the truth on some deeper issues in my own character. I take full responsibility. I often feel that I let you down, that I myself down, and I let God down. I only hope that you can find it in your hearts to not condemn me but forgive me instead. If not, I love you still. I KNOW that Christ has and will forgive me.
For those of you who do not know me on a personal level, I pray that my example will cause you to take a second look at the hidden ‘ignorances’ in your life, that God gives you the courage to let go of foolish PIRDE and ask the deep personal questions you need answers to. I pray that this happens before those hidden issues create some disastrous occasion in your life. I pray that you realize the miracle of this moment that God has given you to become more of what he wants you to be.
Take this opportunity to take the advice of Proverbs 4:23
Keep diligent watch (take inventory) of your own heart, for out of it flow the issues of life.